5 reasons why you’re making yourself miserable!

Life feels out of your control and quite honestly you just can’t seem to snap out of your emotional abyss!

When you’re slipping down that rabbit hole of low mood, it can seem too difficult to even begin to deal with the symptoms.



As many of you will know, I am the eternal pragmatic optimist but don’t let that fool you – I haven’t led a life filled with flowers and champagne!

I’ve worked very hard to change my own self perception and to tackle my own self esteem and now I coach and guide other women to be able to make those changes for themselves.

I was once shocked by a friend’s comment to me soon after I split from my first husband in 2000

I had been separated for a few months and had recently met the man I have now been with for over 18 years – great news!

Her comment? – “I’m surprised you don’t have flat feet Jane! – you land on them so often”

Hmmm… interesting point of view and let’s be honest here – that hurt a lot at the time but I chose to ignore it and now I flip that comment in my head so I can see that this person was offering me a compliment by highlighting my ability to make the best of a negative situation. (result!)


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I’m known as Mrs Positivity for good reason and I only use the above as an example of how other people’s perceptions of you can affect how you feel about yourself and how you can control how you feel every single day.

Like any challenging life event (divorce, bereavement, childbirth), you can’t always control the actual event or stop it from happening BUT you can control how you respond to it and how you move forward.

Below you will see my top 5 reasons why you’re making yourself miserable. (I was going to do 10 but actually 5 is enough to digest for now!)

You are responsible for your happiness and, by welcoming that responsibility you will feel more free from stress and uncertainty by being able to tackle those challenges as they arise.

(If you follow me on facebook and instagram you’ll know that I even managed to find the positive in the devastating death of my mum in 2011 so you know it makes sense to change your mindset)

5 Reasons Why You’re Making Yourself Miserable:


You are continually comparing yourself to others: One of my favourite sayings (developed by me!) is “There’s only one you so who are you comparing yourself with anyway”?! The continual comparisons with people you know or the apparently perfect beings on social media (!) will never result in you feeling great about you. Not only that but it’s such a waste of time. Instead of spending ANY time comparing – why not do something that makes you feel amazing – go for a run, read a book, write a story, have a cuppa with a friend (choose your most positive friend)


You buy clothes that don’t fit you or suit you: When I was young in the 1980’s, I would squeeze into the on trend mini skirts and drainpipe trousers which were uncomfortable and most definitely did not make the most of my body shape or personal style. These days, I do things differently and every day I encourage women to only fill their wardrobes with clothes that fit them and suit their individuality. It’s very difficult to be content with yourself when you’re wearing clothes that are too small because ‘you’re always a size 12 so why does this size 12 top feel so tight?!’ – Or to enjoy that night out when you’re wearing colours that don’t make your personality shine.


You keep trying to ‘fit in’: This is something that so many of you do – You get into the habit of sidelining your own needs and personality traits in favour of pleasing others and fitting in with others’ expectations of you. Many times, you’re not even aware that you’re doing it. The result of this is that you are never authentically you and you are never content with the person you see in the mirror every day. Wherever you go and whoever you try to be – the real you will ALWAYS be there waiting to be invited back – Try letting her in and see what happens.


You apologise all the time: All you people pleasers out there – This is for you. I bet you apologise when someone spills a drink on you. I bet you apologise when someone steps on your toe and I bet you apologise when someone lets you down? – It’s lovely that you care about others’ feelings but by apologising for no valid reason, you are giving others permission to de value your needs and telling yourself that you are not worthy. Try to just take a second to breath in before that apology slips out – If it’s appropriate for you to apologise then your logical mind will help you out but if you jump in too quickly, that emotional side of you may send you down the wrong path.


You keep dieting in an unhealthy way: When you starve yourself or eat in an unhealthy way, your brain quite simply cannot function properly and your sense of happiness and reason are hugely diminished. I have worked with someone with anorexia and this person was so malnourished there was no ability to even begin to build a new self esteem until nutrition was controlled. This applies to both under and overeating for different reasons but the key message is that diets are destructive and healthy eating is a lifestyle. (and this is nothing to do with weight, size or body shape). If you get this right you’re half way to sorting your self esteem.


Your ability to become body positive and to improve your self esteem every day is within your control.

If you want to be your best you then why not pop on a call with me – email me on jane@bodypositivitycoach.co.uk or go old school and call me on +44 7944 811939

Join my free closed group of lovely ladies on https://www.facebook.com/groups/womensbodypositivitynetwork/

Find out how you can work with me on www.bodypositivitycoach.co.uk 


Stay positive ladies



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