Are you Being Selfish!

Do you feel selfish when you look after you?

I used to feel that way and was often made to feel that way by others if I put my own needs ahead of theirs; especially when I had my young children in the mix.

My children are all grown up now but they have grown up in the knowledge that they are not always the most important people in every situation and to be honest – mummy and daddy both need a break to just be themselves now and again!

When my husband and I were first together, we were both going through divorces and both had 2 children so most of our time was spent seemingly ‘herding kittens’ with a 2 year old, a 4 year old and two 7 year olds to cope with.

It was chaotic, but the one thing we had both learnt from our previous marriages was to make time to be with each other and have some child free time one week of every year.
So we did exactly that. It was the best decision we ever made as we would feel recharged and ready for our busy lives when we returned and then look forward to the next time; which gave us the emotional energy to more fully enjoy our extended family, even when the chaos was overwhelming!

If YOU decide to take a break from your busy day with your children, to put your feet up and have a cuppa – are you being selfish! I don’t think so.

You need to look after your own needs before being able to be the best parent you can be. If you’re worn out and stressed, your children won’t get the best from you.

No-one ever needs to be perfect but we owe it to ourselves to be the best we can be which could be as simple as eating well and resting enough to have the energy to be able to go to your friend’s party. Your children and partner may not have had 100% of you during this time but this is being kind to you and your friend will be thrilled to see you.

You can’t be everything to everybody all the time.

self-love: noun

regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.

You cannot be fully happy until you are able to love the real you!
That would be like asking someone to buy one of the cakes you have made by telling them that the you hate the cakes:
“Please buy this cake – it’s lovely – I don’t like anything about it but I want you to like it please!”

Unconditional Self Love
If you love yourself with conditions such as: “I will be better than I am now when I have passed my exams” OR “I will be a better person when I am thinner” – this is putting a condition on your own self love. – You wouldn’t say that to ANYONE ELSE!!

For example…
“I will only love you if you get that promotion”
“I will love you more if you pass your driving test”

No? – I didn’t think so!

So…you are actually being totally selfless by looking after you.
If you were a very selfish person, you wouldn’t care about other people’s feelings and would always look for the benefit to you.

You know you’re amazing so let’s look after YOU

If you need some help just hop on a call with me on +44 7944 811939 or email me on

Jane Pangbourne


Now off you go for that cuppa!

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