Romance is challenging when you’re not Body Positive!


I love a bit of romance but it’s really quite difficult to be romantic with someone when you feel rubbish about your own body image!

I’m not the sort of person who believes we have no control over how we feel but I think we all know that we’re slaves to our chemicals and hormones.

I’m not a science bod but I do know that when you feel stressed or negative about anything it increases your levels of the chemical ‘cortisol’ which, (for those of us who don’t study the sciences) when the levels are too high, makes you feel low and depressed.

What we really need is loads of the lovely ‘dopamine’ which is in abundance when we’re first in love. Remember that feeling of euphoria? That’s the dopamine!

As a menopausal woman I am no stranger to being ruled by my body, but I refuse to let that stop me from accepting that:

I am the only me and therefore I’m the best me!

You, by the same measure, are the only you, so why not be the best version of you for this 14th February as a starting point?

The pressure of Valentines day is still ridiculously huge! Everyone is pre set to feel they need to be with a date that one night a year or at least to be admired by someone from afar.

Even in the 80s (when I was a teen), in the absence of social media, it was ‘shameful’ not to have an admirer and I clearly remember feeling that pressure to be liked by a boy!

Of course it’s great to be in love and it’s awesome to have a mutual attraction but at aged 51 (and 3/4!) I know from my own experience that no matter how many people like or love you; happiness and inner peace only come from being true to who you are and liking that authentic you.

It takes some work for many of us to become comfortable with who we truly are and want to be, but if you can take that time to learn to like who you really are then you WILL notice that people are drawn to you; and not just any people – but people who are on your wavelength and bring a new perspective to your party.

I have spent many years making the changes I needed to make to be my best self and to encourage positivity into my life. Some people didn’t make the cut when I was reassessing who made me happy and those to whom I could bring joy but I’m ok with that (sorry – not sorry!)

  • It’s ok not to like everyone
  • It’s ok not to be liked by everyone
  • It’s ok to sometimes NOT be ok! – Life isn’t perfect and joy isn’t constant so just roll with it and see what happens.


Love and romance is great but remember:

  1. Love yourself above all else and make changes if you need to
  2. You’ll only have quality relationships if you are authentically you – Its hard work being someone else all the time and you’ll only attract the wrong people into your life
  3. It’s not about the quantity of friends and relationships you have – QUALITY is key
  4. There’s only one you so who are you comparing yourself with anyway?!

Alone or with a date – Your body will thank you for being authentically you on Feb 14th and beyond. 

Here are some tips to tackle those cortisol levels:

  1. Get lots of lovely sleep (switch off the tech before bedtime)
  2. Exercise –  but not too much (that would be silly!)
  3. Learn to relax – whatever works for you (read/write/socialise)
  4. Try to squeeze fun out of everything you do – Smiling is a good start!
  5. Foster positive relationships and importantly – remove negative ones
  6. If you can, get a pet – very relaxing
  7. And my very favourite! Be Your Best Self! The more authentic you are, the more of the happy stuff goes on in your head resulting in lots of lovely dopamine.


If you’re looking for support and guidance then lets hop on a call – email me on to book your slot.

Jane Pangbourne

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